29 April 2015

All the things I've learned aged 30 (and a half)

April the 29th is my half birthday. Despite feeling like October the 29th was only last weekend, the existence of today means I have spent six whole months living as a 30 year old.


Living as a woman in her thirties? More like masquerading as one. Six months in and I am definitely not an expert…. But for all you 29 and 182 (and a bit) day year olds, this is what you've got to look forward to in six months time. 

You know after you turn 13 and people ask ‘how does it feel now you're a teenager?’ It turns out there is no bolt of lightening telling you to cut off all of your leg hair. You feel exactly the same as you did when you were a 12 and 364 day year old.

Turning 30 is just like that. 

I’m still the same 13 year old who decided to make a feature of her brace by insisting that all visible orthodontic bands were green and orange. I’m still the 18 year old that used to match her Matalan pants with the rest of her outfit and wear her massive jeans incredibly low. I’m still the 21 year old that used to drink turbo-brinis (vodka and cherry Lambrini thank you very much) as a bit of a sophisticated cocktail treat.

No, I probably won’t be doing any of that any time soon, but I’d never rule it out.

And the fact I’ve got both cherry Lambrini and vodka in the house right now has not gone unnoticed, let me assure you.

I do have the occasional moment of wisdom. But they are fleeting. And brief.

I recently found a note in my phone that read: ALWAYS PACK CRISPS.

Nothing more. Nothing less. Unknown day, time and reason. Funnily enough it is my go-to piece of advice. And I think it’s one that will stick.

There seems to be this unspoken rule about settling down in your thirties. I’d like to put it out there that I hate the term settling down. And telling me ‘oh, that’s a proper grown up thing to do’ while simultaneously giving a look of ‘that poor thing - all she's got to look forward to now is retirement and death...’

The act of settling down is not a conscious decision to stop doing fun things.

You know why I got married? Big party.

You know why we’ve got a house and a mortgage? For a laugh, innit?

You know why I’ve got a job? That’s my adventure fund right there.

Sure, there are the less fun times. I never thought I’d be bothered when someone decided to leave two pairs of shoes by the door, because apparently it’s handy to leave two pairs of shoes in the middle of the floor by the door. Even though that same person is already wearing a pair of shoes. Which means they’ve found a third pair of shoes from another part of the house, yet were in no way pained to do so. And wherever this third pair came from, I suspect there’s space for two more.

Who knew I’d be able to vent so passionately and passive aggressively about something as inane as that?

But the good times. Like when I found out I can totally switch off to just about everything if I'm given a bunch of flowers and a couple of jam jars. 

Seriously. Who knew I’d enjoy a bit of flower arranging? But, you know, only the really hipster kind of flower arranging. 

The long and the short of it? What my 30 years and 6 months has taught me? Some things change, some things don’t… 

And always pack crisps. 

I mean, like, always.



  1. Happy half birthday Gurl!

  2. Haha this made me laugh! Especially ‘that poor thing - all she's got to look forward to now is retirement and death...’ Fabulous! I'll be 29 in November but still feel 21. Oh gawd! x

  3. Love this post! I'm only 17 now so am wondering what I'll look back on and cringe... most likely will be of the vodka and lambrini variety haha. I guess we'll never feel quite ready to be the age we actually are!
    lily x

    1. Vodka and Lambrini... Eesh! I can't think even think about it.

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  5. Ah! The others, who told them to grow up and ignore important features of the mind?

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